Warning - baby on the way

Wow this pregnancy is going fast. I now have six weeks to go. Not long but not to worry, I am attempting to be organised. Tiny newborn outfits have been retrieved, washed, gazed at and put away. I have a draw full of tiddly-sized nappies and cotton wool balls (will I really do that whole cotton wool and warm water thing that I did last time around, or will the wipes win out?) The baby car seat is washed and installed - early I know but I'm not going to be caught out and besides, it was in the loft and I don't want to be scrabbling around with two days to go before my due date looking for lost headrests and straps etc. I am yet to cook lots of meals and freeze them but that is on my to-do list for next week, possibly. Unfortunate accessories to this birthing/babies business - breast pumps, breast pads, other sorts of pads (sorry men if you are reading this and getting red faced, it is not pleasant I agree), bras that unhinge for easy access, tops that do likewise are being found or bought in readiness.The moses basket is in position, with new bedding ordered online, delivered and stored away in readiness. The only thing I need to do now is prepare my son for the coming arrival.
Easier said than done. I have talked about it with him but any attempts at discussion are quickly ignored in favour of the more exciting activity he is engrossed in. We have got out all his baby things and explained how he once bounced in that seat or laid on that rug, and that his little brother or sister will soon be doing the same, but he remained unbothered - although he did enjoy using the moses basket as a boat.
We plan to show him his baby photos and talk about the new arrival in that context, and I am going to do a search on Amazon as I know there are plenty of books out there that can help introduce what it is that is about to hit him.
My guess is he won't be too phased by the event. He never takes any notice when I hold other babies and he is not the jealous type (if a toy is taken from him, he mostly just goes off and gets another) but I do wonder how he will be when my attention, which has been his completely for almost three years, is shared with another. At least we have the summer for the four of us to get used to one another and I will do my absolute best to make sure he never feels left out. And I will remind myself that, in the end, even if he isn't too keen on having a sibling about at first, he or she will be a wonderful playmate and companion for him for the rest of his life.

You can go on holiday with a toddler

Ever since the little man arrived, our criteria for having a nice break away have seriously changed. Flying, for a start, is out. I remember being young, free and single and how my heart would drop as I settled into my seat ready for a seven-hour flight only for a toddler to clamber in next to me. I'm not saying you can't travel with little ones but he is particularly active and I would be stressed. Besides, you can pack so much more into a car and there was a lot I wanted to pack.

Other criteria include:

1, If we're going by car, it can’t be too far away – four hours max if possible. Driving is boring, for everyone.
2, There must be fun things for toddlers to do – the beach, swings, slides etc. Even a pool is out at this stage really - we didn’t want to spend the day taking it in turns chasing our two and a half year old around the pool trying to keep him safe.

3, Self catering accommodation is a must so we can cook what we want when we want with perhaps an occasional visit to a restaurant if we are feeling up to it. He must have his own room too and a living space away from said room so we can relax with a glass of wine (or fruit juice in my pregnant state) after a long day of fun without disturbing him.

In short, what we didn’t want was a holiday that turned out to be more stressful than simply staying at home. So I was delighted when we found Trevorrick farm - a collection of pretty cottages in Cornwall offering an indoor pool, children’s play area, animals to pet and beaches nearby. The owners Melanie and Mike are themselves parents and quite clearly know exactly what every holidaying family requires to make life easy and, therefore, fun. Stairgates, night lights, baby monitors, high chairs, booster seats, socket guards, a pram if needed are all provided for guests. They even promise to fill your cottage with age appropriate toys. We booked on the spot.

So we have now returned from our break away and I am happy to report it was everything we had hoped for. The cottage was indeed pretty and filled with trains, train tracks, building blocks, puzzles and books waiting for him to play with. Every morning, while I got ready, the little man and his daddy would wander about the farm, visiting the turkeys, two Shetland ponies, pigs and chickens. It was idyllic. 

Everyday, we headed out for a day of family fun and there was so much for toddlers to do, not including all the beaches nearby (it was just a bit too cold to venture to the seaside unfortunately). Our favourite was Crealy Great Adventure Park where you pay once and then get a free seven-day pass. We went three times. Bargain. It was there we discovered the little man's love of rollercoasters - at last his daddy has someone to go on with him. We rode the steam trains at Lappa Valley and stared at the animals inside Newquay zoo. We even found time to read our books while our son, exhausted by all the fun he was having, reverted back to his afternoon naps again. One day I ate such an enormous Cornish cream tea I was actually sick but I don't regret it - that Cornish cream is to die for and at one point I did think I was dying. Sometimes in the evenings, we fell asleep not long after putting the little man to bed. It was our first and last holiday just the three of us and it was just what we wanted - fun, stressfree and exhausting with a pile of Cornish cream on the side for good measure.

Our ban on screen time

I have always been in favour of little ones watching the telly - in moderation of course. If you pick the right programmes, it can be educational and entertaining, it gives them a cultural connection with their peers and it can give mummy some much-needed rest time. The little man has learnt to read numbers by watching Numtums and I love the gentle moral message that comes across in Postman Pat - everyone helps each other out and hasn't a bad word to say about anyone (perhaps I need a couple of days living in Greendale).
However, lately we have noticed that the little man is perhaps watching a little too much. I had fallen into the deadly habit of letting him watch YouTube clips of his favourite programmes on the iPad while he had dinner, something that never sat right with me and always filled me with guilt everytime I did it. As our son is very French in the way he eats - he takes ages - we started to tot up the hours he was spending in front of the screen, adding telly time as well, and decided it was getting a bit out of hand. Plus, he was spending a lot of time reciting scripts of his most-watched programmes and he had got into the habit of demanding TV everytime we returned home which was very wearing.
So we decided to go cold turkey. I might add the little man's daddy managed rather skillfully to time the launch of this screen-ban with a "very important meeting" taking him away from home and leaving me to face what seemed like a daunting uphill battle. But his job is with numbers and mine is looking after our telly addict so it was only right really that I face the challenge.
In actual fact, the new regime was remarkably easy to implement. Day one he asked for the usual programmes and "the little laptop" for dinner. I didn't say no, just distracted him and he was fine. Day two he asked once or twice. By day three he had forgotten all about them. Instead, he started doing puzzles again, and reading books - something he had loved doing but that had gone by the wayside as the telly took over. We sat and read book after book. He mastered a 20-piece puzzle, then a 24-piece. He started playing more with his cars and train set. It was more hardwork for me entertaining him (although the beauty is he started entertaining himself more) but the results at the end were just so rewarding it was completely worth it. We could see our little boy coming on leaps and bounds and not once did he ask for the TV. Yesterday he was ill and asked for Postman Pat so we cuddled up and watched it together - I am not a complete dictator.
I don't envisage a future without telly, and I wouldn't want that as I feel he would be missing out, but as far as I can it is going to be a limited passtime to make room for others. Well, let's see how it goes. Now, where did I hide the remote?

Bump envy

Well my bump is coming on a treat I have to say. I'm 29 weeks now and it seems to erupt a little more every day. My inny tummy button is a distant memory, applying varnish to my nails has become a logistical nightmare and I am left more than a little breathless when I reach the top of the stairs - I think baby has taken more than its fair share of the room where my lungs should be.
What I have noticed this time around is how much attention seems to be being paid to how big the said bump is. Perhaps it is because last time I was pregnant I was surrounded my officeworkers and now my colleagues are fellow mums, often also pregnant themselves, but there is definite eyeing up and comparing being done (by myself included). Some fellow mums coo at how neat my bump is. Others have the opposite view, like my ever-tactful brother-in-law, whose wife is due exactly one month after me and on seeing me guffawed loudly: "Blimey, you are enormous" while looking at his other half's teeny tiny baby bulge. My friendly local butcher, upon discovering I am due the same time as his girlfriend, spent the next five minutes of our conversation casting glances at my belly and exclaiming how much smaller she was than me. Even my sarcastic "Well thanks for that" didn't seem to put him off. That's the last time I buy a sirloin steak from him - well this week anyway.
The other night I went out for drinks and was introduced to a friend of a friend who is also expecting. I cast a quick glance at her tummy and calculated I was at least two months ahead of her, judging between our sizes. She is due two weeks before me. It is her first though, a thought I comforted myself with as I waddled over to the bar to buy a lemonade and lime. You are always smaller the first time around - although I did see a profile shot of my taken just before the little man arrived into this world and was aghast at how big I had actually got.
One friend, due four weeks after me, always greets me with a friendly smile then groans at how big she is compared to me. Funnily, I think the exact opposite - I am sure I am bigger than her, as I should be. 
All this comparing and constrasting I take with a very large pinch of salt (and some handcut chips and fish knowing my appetite at the moment) as I am loving having a bump again. I take great delight seeing baby number two stretch and kick about under the surface and it is fun discovering my old maternity wardrobe again. And when I stroke my burgeoning belly, I remember how, a few months ago, I had longed for this to be happening and what so many of my childless friends struggling to fall pregnant would give to be in the position I am now - although perhaps not my most usual position heaving to get off the floor after clearing up toys left by child number one. I must teach him to tidy up after himself before it's too late and I am left helpless like a tortoise on its back, waiting for my husband to come and pull me upright again.

Can I have a wonderful birth too?

A few months ago I was at a party and one of the other mums there was telling me how wonderful the birth of her baby daughter had been. Yeah right, I had thought. Thinking back to my experience, I found it hard to imagine how anyone could find giving birth wonderful. Life changing yes. Momentous. Totally worth it. But wonderful?
Another mum there had also had a similarly positive time with her children and I found myself returning home that evening with a copy of Hypnobirthing by Marie Mongan.
The cynic in me sighed wearily at the thought of ploughing through the book but pretty soon I was hooked and with each page turn, I began to feel that maybe, just maybe, I could have a wonderful birth too.
The idea behind hypnobirthing, if you haven't come across it before, is not, as you might imagine, to hypnotise yourself or be hypnotised so you are in a trance-like state during labour. Rather, it is about learning breathing and imagery techniques to keep calm and relaxed. The theory goes, you only feel the pain when you are scared of feeling the pain. While the muscles in the uterus do their work shuffling the baby down and out into the world, any additional tension caused by fear makes all the muscles spasm against each other and this is the pain we feel. I have watched YouTube clips of women giving birth quietly and calmly. Sometimes these mothers are so horizontal in their approach, their midwives are convinced they cannot be in full labour until suddenly a baby appears.
So I have enrolled in a four week course, starting tomorrow with a lovely woman called Rose. I don't know whether it will work or not but it seems to me certainly worth giving a go. What's more I have a commission from an editor to write about my experiences which feels such a positive thing to do because, if it does work, I will be wanting to shout about it from the rooftops. Watch this space.

My pre-baby to-do list

As my due date looms in the middle distance, approaching at an alarming rate it feels to me, I am conscious there is a list of things I want to tick off before our family expands from three to four.
To start with, I must, must sort our photos. After much prevaricating, I have managed to mount the little man's first year in an album and was rather chuffed with the end result - so much better than flicking through images on a screen. But what about the next year and a half that follows? I must get this beautifully categorised and presented before I become absorbed in night-time feeds, endless winding and all the 24/7 caring that comes with a newborn. Reading back, this makes me sound as if I am dreading the prospect which I am not. Quite the reverse. We have longed for a second child and know how lucky we are to be having one - it's just this bloomin' list that is causing the trouble.
Next - I must hunt down all the teeny tiny baby things we have put away in storage, then work out how they can share space with a toddler's bits and pieces. Which reminds me, number 27 on the list - find a beautiful, groaningly big family home (with huge garden, next to a park ideally but still in the catchment for our local excellent schools) as we will find our current domestic arrangement somewhat squashed, as much as we love it. Practically speaking, this won't be until next year and that's fine so I'II put that to one side for the minute (although that won't stop daily scouring of Rightmove).
The biggest 'to-do' on my list is deciding on suitable transportation for the children. I still use a buggy for the little man when we walk into town as he doesn't like to walk or hold hands, but prefers to run full pelt. I can't imagine being able to keep proper, safe control of him while at the same time pushing a pram with a newborn in, so does this mean investing in a tandem buggy? Or perhaps a buggy board might work out (I am borrowing one from a friend to try out next week)? Or can I pop him in the stroller as usual and carry baby in a sling? All possible options which I am investigating by visiting shops, trawling websites and talking to fellow mums.
Thankfully, I have managed to tick off the big one - booking a family holiday. After asking your advice a few posts ago, for which many thanks, we have found a great little cottage on a farm in Cornwall that is run by parents Melanie and Mike and is specifically designed to entertain kiddies, with an indoor pool, play equipment, stairgates, baby monitors etc. They even ask how old your children are and promise to fill the cottage with age-appropriate toys. We will be going in just over a month and cannot wait. It will be our last break away the three of us. Now, number 56 on the to-do list - holiday shopping...

Thank you grandma and grandpa

Grandparents - what would we do without them? I thought this as the little man's daddy and I took a wonderful early morning walk through a park just the two of us. We held hands, chatted about this and that, pointed out houses we liked the look of. We gazed at the snow covered fields glistening in the sunshine. Everything, in short, we wouldn't be doing had we had a toddler in tow. 
While I did glance sadly at the play park we passed by, feeling the aching pull of my maternal heartstrings, it was so nice to have some time out as a couple again. And this was all thanks to my parents, who had kindly agreed to babysit for us while we went to a friend's wedding in Birmingham over Easter.
The support I get from having family close by is so important. I am able to work, go away for weekends occasionally or visit the shops solo if I need to. We can pop round for a quick coffee or all head out for the day together. It just makes life so much easier and I know how lucky I am to have that near. Which is why I decided to write a feature on grandparents and the extraordinary help they are giving the young mums of my generation, featured *shameless plug* in this month's The Green Parent magazine.
Around 50 per cent of working mums rely on their parents when they go back to work after maternity leave. Almost one in five British grandmothers provide at least ten hours of care a week, according to an ongoing study being carried out across Europe by researchers at King’s College London. That's a good chunk of their retirement being taken up with nappy changing and spoon feeding, and I did begin the piece wondering if I would be confronted with unlying bitterness or resentment at the time being given up by these women who more than likely had been stay-at-homes mums all those years ago. In the end, I found no such negativity, in fact the complete opposite, and ended up writing an uplifting and hugely warming insight into the close ties that come when grandparents look after children, with one granddad admitting this time was the best in his life. 
I know my parents love being with their grandson and I love the relationship that has flourished from this one-to-one interaction they have each week. I can only hope their enthusiasm continues when baby number two arrives on the scene!